I've done the impossible

How could it get any worse after DMoany and that crazy Christian kid? Well friends, it has. I found this post from the blog of Vaupel Hemingway. I say that tongue-in-cheek because this dude sucks at writing a blog. I guess that Kansas newsletter didn't teach him anything. Here's a post and some of my commentary below.

"MISSING: wide open spaces

I went to a deli/convenience store in Manhattan on my way home. The world condensed as I walked through the cramped aisles (This is a symptom of social anxiety disorder. You should seek help immediately).

I longed for the wide aisles of my Target, Dillons, or even Aldi's (The feeling's not mutual. I checked; Target, Dillons and even Aldi's don't want you back). Almost every shop or store I've been into in New York is small. The street sidewalks are jammed with people. And rush hour on the subway is a melding of bodies worthy of any abstract art piece (This my friend, is not worthy of an art piece...your "writing," that is!!!!).

But it wasn't just the cramped conditions that got to me (Was it your bad writing, too? Did you read some of your past posts and it pushed you over the edge?).

I miss my friends. I miss my routine. I miss it all (Again, I checked; they'd prefer if you'd stay in New York and shut down this blog immediately. Repeat: CEASE BLOGGING IMMEDIATELY. Your bad writing is a hazard to Lloyd's eyes).

It's been a little over two weeks and I still haven't seen anyone I know in New York. (And that is my fault.) But I need familiar faces, familiar voices (I need a suckle on my mommy's nipple). I know that "The hardest part about moving forward is not looking backward." (Oh, then you're also probably familiar with the saying, "The hardest part about reading Vaupel Hemingway's blog is not poking my eyes out.") But after a wonderful month, an amazing year and a great six years, how can I not look back.

I moved into my apartment yesterday. And it is a nice apartment in a safe, cute Greek neighborhood. My room, while still in progress, is just as big, if not bigger than my Salina room (Look at me. I'm Braggy McBraggerson, and I have a big room! (Insert rasberry sound here). Sure, I didn't have any sheets last night, but I do today (Whew. That was a close call).

My new life is beginning to take shape. I won't stop looking back, but I won't stop moving forward (Then will you at least stop blogging? Please? It's for the good of the community).

My life was built in Kansas. My home was Salina. And my vacation home was Lawrence (You can afford a vacation home but you can't afford sheets? Bro, we've got to talk about your priorities...oh yeah, and shutting down this blog should be priority number one).

I miss it (But don't worry friends, I'm going to write about all the mundane details of my life on this blog. It will be like I never left. For more information, see Vaupel Hemingway's post on his bank situation).

But my new life begins here.

And now (Are you getting a sex change operation?)."