Back from whenever it is I posted last

What up asses --

Lloyd back in the house for a long overdue update. I could tell you why I haven't had anything to share for some time here on my rockin' site, but I don't think anyone is cool enough to really know.

So, to recap, Lloyd rules and you all are brownies.

I wanted to use this post to discuss the crap-tac-u-lar world of the NFL.

I mean, who the hell watches this homoerotic sport? Not I, that is for sure.

Well, I was hanging out over at my mom's place this past Sunday, and I happened to catch a game. (She is a big Cowboys fan)

I finally wrestled the remote from her cold, damp hands and mananged to change the channel to something more wholesome: "Star Trek" reruns.

You cannot mess with the awe that is Captain Kirk.

But I digress.

For three "quarters" my mom was cheering for this one team with stars on their heads to move some bullet-shaped pig down a giant soccer field.

In between plays, grown men, wearing spandex pants no less, were patting each other on their rears and dog-piling all over each other, which they called a "tackle."

Ha! I think not.

These men are clearly homosexuals, not that there is anything wrong with that.

What I hated, was the fact that they tried to make this sporting event seem like a display of athliticism and machismo, to name two attributes.

I mean, come on. One of the teams got this brown "ball" if you will, into the end rectangle on the field, the man who caught it then went on to dance like a Showgirl.

If I want real, manly athletics, I will tune into something like gymnastics or figure skating. It is clear the men in this sport are more interested in their individual competition than patting some other dude on the ass or all jumping into a pile together on national television.

Once again, being gay is OK and I have no problem whatsoever with that lifestyle, I just wish the NFL didn't try to make their sport look like something it is so clearly not.

If they keep this charade up as-is then I think they should make the following changes to clarify the orientation of this sport:

-- Players should wear pastel-colored uniforms, or make sure they coordinate with the gameday weather.

-- Teams must be introduced as they run onto the field by a Barbara Stresiand song of their choice.

-- A few flower boxes in along the sidelines would brighten things up.

-- Two words: Gucci helmets

-- If a player gets cold while on the sidelines, they must wear a sweater over their pads that has a duck or cat on it.

-- Change all scoreboard fonts to look more cursive and swirly.

-- Guest TV commentators would help as well. I suggest Andy Dick, who would share the stage with rotation of all the guys from "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy."


Not to worry, I have already forwarded these suggestions to the NFL, so I will be sure to pass along any response.

Lloyd out.


Current mood: OMG, TGIF, LMAO

Current Music: Theme from "Cheers"