You can't keep a good man down, you asses

Current mood: hostile
Currently watching: Lifetime

Some of you asses out there have blocked me from commenting on your blogs. I guess you asses can't take the heat so you're keeping Lloyd out of your kitchen. This really sums up my feelings:

"Did I ask for too much?
More than a lot?
You gave me nothing,
now that's all I got.
We're one, but we're not the same.
We hurt each other, and we do it again."

-- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

I wish cat litter smelled more minty

Well, I was going to post a "best of" entry today hilighting the stories submitted with yesterday's photo narrative contest.

But since that image no longer exists to the general public, I have a different topic to discuss today.

I have submitted the following answers to your "Who is Lloyd?" contest.

By the way, this hurt my feelings that you would resort to a questionnare to get to know me. If you really want to find a person's true soul, you must swap muffin recipies first. (See you at class, Margie *wink!)

Back to the contest, which Mittens helped me fill out:

1. What is your favorite word? Smite

2. What is your least favorite word? Fatman

3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
Reading old Ziggy or Family Circus cartoons

4. What turns you off? Porn

5. What is your favorite curse word? Rats

6. What sound or noise do you love?
Cats when they are mating

7. What sound or noise do you hate?
Heavy breathing

8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Barber ( I specialize in buzz cuts!)

9. What profession would you not like to do?
Emergency room doctor ( blood is gross!!!)

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
You're not as fat and smelly as your friends said you were. ;(

Also, please answer these:
11. How old is Lloyd? I ALREADY ANSWERED THIS. JEEZ.
29 ( for the third straight year ;))

12. Where does Lloyd live? The best apartment in the world

13. What does Lloyd do? I ALREADY ANSWERED THIS TOO. JEEZ!!!
Works at the stupid bank

14. WHO IS LLOYD?
The Midwest's #1 cat lover 4 EVAH! ;)

"Friendly" competition

It seems some asses are speculating / poking fun at old Lloyd. I decided to have my own little competition. Write the best gay love story to accompany this photo. The winner (or weiner, dare I say) receives a shit shake a la Mittens and a dirty old undershirt I used to wipe urine off my leg during one of my late night "sessions" at work.

***EDIT: Well folks, I guess those pictured in a warm embrace didn't want you to submit your gay love stories. The photo was taken down. Where's the love these days? When men are ashamed of having fictional love stories written about a nice kiss, what has the world come to? If you want to know what was in the picture, ask those asses at www.universitydailykansan.blogspot.com. I have a feeling they were behind the censorship.***

Current mood: ambidextrous
Currently listening to: Mr. Big

Thank goodness it's Friday

So today as I was nursing a major case of brown ass pee (thanks, late-night tray of brownies), I got to thinking about my cat's own colon problem and how both of us are experiencing similar dietary woes.

So, here is a list of the two of us have in common, and what we do not. Mittens, I feel your mud-butt pain:

Cat: Likes to eat food
Me: Likes to eat food

Cat: Prefers to bathe daily.
Me: Enjoys a morning shower.

Cat: Naps in the sun.
Me: Sleeps in the dark, also till noon ;)

Cat: Takes care of business in a litter box.
Me: Takes care of business on a toilet (or behind my boss'car in the parking garage at work).

Cat: Meows incesantly while walking around the apartment.
Me: Quietly sobs while shoveling Ding-Dong's into my face as I get ready for the day.

Cat: Likes tuna.
Me: Likes tuna melts.

Cat: Afraid of dogs.
Me: Afraid of midgets (and Voldemort ;)

Cat: Plays with yarn.
Me: Knits with yarn (I'm making a sweater with a picture of Abe Linclon's head on the front. I'll be sure to post a photo when I'm done).

And, in case a certain Mr. (Mrs.?) Pinot In The John is reading this, I think you and your "roommate" talked an awful lot about bums. Perhaps too much? I know I'd be out enjoying another country in all it's glory than sitting around and discussing what to call my rear.

Anyway, let me know if you want to trade recipies or something. You seem like the kind of person who'd know of a good omlette or souffle.

I have a tasty chocolate banana-nut muffin shake concoction I'd be willing to swap.

Behold...

I bought this today --->

What a beaut. Are you asses jealous? Marta, that means you! I'm going to make some yummy eggs tonight. Mittens can even lick the bowl!

Up next? Shopping for a new pair of chinos at Sears. Hells yeah!

Potter Mania

Current mood: weird
Currently listening to: Matchbox 20
Currently reading: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince!!!!

"Hermione Granger" (a.ka. Milla Watson in accounting) and I (a.k.a. Harry Potter) made a special appearance at Barnes & Noble last night for the release of the latest Harry Potter. I even wore the robe and put the lightning bolt on my head. Milla and I agreed that the evening was very badass!

46 questions answered

A little bit about myself.

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? LloydChristmas69
2. WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING? Tan
3. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? the sound of air coming in and out of my nose
4. WHAT'S THE LAST THING YOU ATE? An enchilada I reheated
5. DO YOU WISH ON STARS? I wish Sally Strothers was my roommate
6. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? crimson blue
7. HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW? tepid
8. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? my mom's secretary
9. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT YOU THIS? not really
10. HOW OLD ARE YOU TODAY? 29 ( for the third straight year ;))
11. FAVORITE DRINK? Tab
13. HAIR COLOR? blondeish brownish-blackish
14. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? always, or else I am blind
15. SIBLINGS? none
16. FAVORITE MONTH? October
18. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Super-Size Me
FAVORITE FOOD? These yummy cinammon butter bread rolls at the store
19. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? Boxing Day
20. WHAT DO YOU DO TO VENT ANGER? urinate on the floor of the stall at work
21. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? blocks
22. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer
23. HUGS OR KISSES? both
24. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? chocolate
25. DO YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS TO WRITE/ E-MAIL BACK? they'd sure as hell better
26. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? my co-worker (and you know who you are)
27. WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? grandma (she died)
28. LIVING ARRANGEMENTS? apartment I share with two cats, sometimes three.
29. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? while peeing on the bathroom floor at work earlier
today
30. WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED? spare kitty litter and the box my new blender came in
31. WHO IS THE FRIEND YOU HAVE HAD THE LONGEST? you know who you are, Jesus
32. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT? sat around here, Veronica Mars on UPN, went to sleep early then was woken up in the middle of the night very rudely
33. FAVORITE SMELLS? christmas trees,lilies, my feet :)
34. WHAT INSPIRES YOU? knowing i want to be a professional cheerleader/yelleader with the LA Lakers even if my job sucks right now. I'm saving money and i will be back in school in
the fall and away from the dumb bank.
35. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? The dark, lakes, oceans, lakes or oceans in the dark, not
accomplishing everything i want to or am capable of.
36. PLAIN, BUTTERED OR SALTED POPCORN? a little butter, little salt. not a lot, yuck!
37. FAVORITE CAR? I like mine...I dont really care about cars. Toyota Priuses are nice :)
38. FAVORITE FLOWER? Roses, easter lilies, anything that smells nice or looks pretty
39. NUMBER OF KEYS ON YOUR KEY RING? I dont know, probably like five?
40. CAN YOU JUGGLE? I juggle my emotions every day
41. FAVORITE DAY OF THE WEEK? Tuesday
42. WHAT DID YOU DO ON YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY? I forgot. must have been outstanding
43. HOW MANY STATES HAVE YOU LIVED IN? 5- Kansas, Missouri, New York, Arizona and denial
44. HOW MANY CITIES HAVE YOU LIVED IN? Rochester, NY, Tucson, AZ , Lawrence, KS
45. HOW MANY CARS HAVE YOU HAD & WHAT WAS THE FIRST CAR THAT YOU HAD? '87 Ford fiesta was
my first car and i loved it. Until I totaled it Then I had a '99 Honda Accord now a '04
Toyota Camry
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Seattle, Washington

Tuesday

Today I had oatmeal for breakfast. It wasn't the best bowl in recent memory. Maybe I left it in the microwave too long.

Long enough for Mittens to ralph on my new comforter. Twice! ;)

In a related story, my poo was really good thanks to the bran. I may post a pic later. In the mean time, here is a Ziggy cartoon that really says a lot about where I am in life right now:

"Can't we all just get along?"

Mittens and I are involved in a standoff of epic proportions. I tell her to stay off of the coffee table. She insists on jumping up there.............paws first.

Erica and I went by Dunkin' Doughnuts during our lunch break. If society accepted injecting sugar into one's veins, I would be down at the corner with the other junkies getting my fix of the legal white stuff.

HOLLA'!!!!!!

And now...(drumroll, Paul)...we bring you Late Night Lloyd X's (as in X-mas) Top Ten List
Lloyd: "Tonight's top ten list is the top ten brands of shampoo."
Julia Roberts: "Oh, Lloyd!"
Lloyd: "That's right, Julia. Don't interupt me again!!! As I was saying...the top ten brands of shampoo are:
10. White Rain
9. Suave
8. Paul Mitchell
7. Alberto V05
6. Equate (extra strength dandruff control )
5. Aussie
4. Pantene Pro-V
3. Head & Shoulders
2. Herbal Essences
And the number one shampoo is: Pert Plus (two-in-one conditioner AND shampoo)!
Julia: "Lloyd, that's chearing! it's also a conditioner."
Lloyd: "Shut up, Julia!"